Text of a Eulogy delivered on August 7, 1999 at Crystal's "Rite of
Passage"
Crystal came into my and my daughter's lives in a whirlwind of
emotion. In the years that followed it became apparent to me that this
original puff of momentum was akin to the breeze that sets a dandelion
seed to flight; never fully in control of its destiny, but able to
perform its purpose once it had escaped the breeze. Unlike that seed,
Crystal stayed out of the breeze for long moments in time.
Crystal landed long enough to affect the lives of many in this
world:
She was the first child of Jim and Roberta;
She was the eldest of her sisters, Debbie and Kathy;
She conceived and gave birth to Amber, with John;
She befriended many; as all of you today attest;
She caught the heart of Doug.
Yet, the breeze waited.
Crystal was fond of those things ethereal and elusive, fairies,
stories of such, magic of the heart, and true happiness. She could
revel in the glow of an accomplishment attained, in the moment of joy
at delighting another, in watching the stars on their course, and in
the birth of emotion that accompanied the creation of a new friendship.
And in this last endeavor, she was constantly being lead by strong
headwinds. She dropped into, and affected many of our lives:
For her parents, Jim & Roberta, she was a child;
For her daughter, Amber, she was a mother;
For some, a wife;
For some, a beautiful dream;
For some, a fragile creature;
For some, an artist;
For a select few, she was a true friend.
Yet, the breeze waited.
Crystal and her family held strong passions for each other. They
would come together at all the holidays, sharing experiences and
creating feasts to talk over. Crystal's sister Kathy recalled a special
treat that they would make called angel eggs. The more common term for
this delicacy, just wouldn't apply. They could cry together at a time
of need, and debate to the end of the day.
Crystal's interests were as eclectic as she was. From stage musicals
to monster truck rallies, country western dancing to medieval
recreation, cold beer to gourmet cooking, picnics in the snow dusted
mountains to popular movies, Newport Beach to the rock canyons off
Ortega Highway, needlepoint to heraldry, and many more that I have not
the time to state here.
Crystal was romantic and impulsive. She told delightful stories and
long tales. She could love with reckless abandon and with measured
thought. She was the center of controversy and caring. Those who dared
to fall in love with her did not escape easily. She could enchant
almost anyone.
Yet, the breeze waited.
Crystal always did things her own way. Many knew her, but only a few
began to understand her. Those, with whom she maintained regular
contact, saw her grow, yet change constantly. No two of us saw the same
person. She was anything but predictable. She would never open herself
totally to a single individual and as a result we all knew her
differently. Some call this mystique.
Crystal sought the advise of many, but seldom took it. When she did,
she would always make it hers, in her own unique way. She was never
content to stay in one place, for too long. She had too much to see, do
and experience. She took Amber on many of these adventures and as a
result their bond will transcend time and experience.
Crystal's heart was hard to catch and even harder to keep.
Crystal was working towards a dream of hers, which was to be an
interpreter for the deaf. This to me was one of the noblest endeavors
in her life. Even though health issues constantly challenged her, she
wanted to make a difference in the lives of others with need. She
spoke, using American Sign Language (ASL) as an art form, in the purest
expression of beauty and communication.
And, the breeze stirred.
Crystal was taken from us, by her own choice. Many of us will wonder
and fail to understand why, but the reason for this is not important.
She left with us a rich legacy of thoughts and joyful memories to draw
comfort from. I, for one, shall keep these close to me, always. You
would honor her memory to do so for yourselves.
Crystal shared with me, using ASL, the joy she felt a few days
before, when she last stood under the open sky. This brought back a
memory I would like to share with you today:
I used to spend weekday evenings with Crystal, on a blanket, in
the front yard of her father's house in Garden Grove. We would talk
for hours about everything, looking at the sunset, the moonrise and
the pageant of the stars. We often enjoyed dinner together under this
canopy, and became close friends as a result.
The one thing I'll always remember about that time was how those
distant lights were constantly calling to her.
And then, the wind came.
A full moon was visible in the sky on Wednesday, July 28th, one week
from the date Crystal last spoke to her daughter and family. I'm sure
this was visible to Crystal, within her minds eye. The moon and stars
were her friends.
She finally left us on Sunday, August 1st , just before dawn, after
her body failed in its task of holding her mischievous soul. The
attraction of that beautiful orb and the blanket of stars behind it
surely captured her spirit, as the wind sent her on her way, to her
next adventure of experience.
With love,
Crystal
was remembered at two public memorials on August 5th, 1999 in Riverside
at the Inland Christian Center Church and August 7th, 1999 in Al-Sahid
at the Mojave Narrows Regional Park. Many family members and friends
attended these services.
Crystal is survived by her daughter, Amber, her
mother and father, Roberta and Jim, her sisters, Debbie and Kathy.
The remembrances of her family and friends at the
Christian Center, moved all in attendance.
I was particularly moved by the number of
individuals who came to the desert for her "Transition Ceremony" or
"Rite of Passage". This classic pagan ceremony was
conducted in the early evening to the accompaniment of voices and
poignant music. Many stood and spoke of Crystal or Caointighern,
depending on how they knew her. Their words live on in the
memories of those who were there. Below are the lyrics from some
of the music that was performed:
Do Not Stand
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond's glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
(Do not stand at my grave and cry:
I am not there. I did not die!)
- Text by Mary Frye 1932 -
Weaver, Weaver
(Chorus) Weav-er, weav-er weave her thread,
whole and strong into Your web,
Heal-er, Heal-er heal her pain,
in love may she return a-gain.
We are dark and we are bright we are formed of
earth and light,
From joy and pain our lives are spun, all too soon the spin-ning’s
done.
(chorus)
No one knows why we are born, a web is made, a web
is torn,
Like wan-d’ring sea-birds we a-light to rest one mo-ment, then take
flight.
(chorus)
May she find the hid-den way be-yond the gates of
night and day,
To that sweet land where apples grow and end-less healing waters
flow.
(chorus)
At that spring may she drink deep and wake to
dream, and die to sleep,
And dream-ing spin an-oth-er, a shin-ing thread of life re-born.
(chorus)
-
Text by Starhawk -
Gone
You used to come around
So my heart you found
The things that love can bring
The joy, the pain,
and everything
And so we spent a while
Swept up in each other’s smile
I never thought I’d see
The day would come when
you’d leave, now you’re gone
(chorus)
Gone, gone, now you’re
Gone, gone, gone
now you’re gone
Now in the lonely night
Within the pale moon light
I see my lover’s face
I feel that warm yet lost
embrace you’re gone
(chorus)
- Hollie Smith -
A Lover’s Tale
When you’re in love,
you’re in forever
When you’re in love
you love alone
I wasn’t looking
but somehow I found you
You were a shadow,
and I was a statue
I thought,
you were my savior
Until I heard your lover’s tale
And then I knew I’d have to
face tomorrow, alone
I never loved so, I never knew
What I was feeling,
when I first met you
And when you’re gone,
you’re gone forever
And when you’re saved,
you’re saved alone
Now in your dreams, do you
See me ever, I wonder
I never questioned, the
answers you gave me
I only wanted
someone to save me
- Hollie Smith -
A few weeks later, a small group of family and
friends, privately visited several of the places that Crystal enjoyed
in life. She is now and forever, a part of those places and our
memories. She is buried at Riverside National Cemetery.
Rest in peace, Crystal, and prepare the way for those
who love you...
